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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Post-mortem of 2013

It is the last day of 2013 and so much has happened this year.
The winds of change have swept aside and also brought forth many radical experiences,
experiences largely different from the ones I have grown accustomed to.

Throughout the latter part of the year, I've met many new people.
Career-wise, this is the longest job that I've stayed in so far and sometimes, when it gets all too trying, I have to constantly push myself to see the long run, the far end.

Relationship-wise, I lost my best friend & boyfriend sometime during end May and so June was really the turning point of discovering myself as an individual. I am not proud to admit that I really spent my weekends.. I wouldnt call it the wrong way but let's just say it isn't what you would call healthy.

I always believe that the only way to let go of someone is to let another in.
No need for details but the past six months have been really really confusing as hell and I made a lot of mistakes. I think if it's one thing that I learnt, making a choice, the right decision is very important.
Forgetting to let myself heal, rushing headlong into things and going about my days without planning properly, without seeing the end goal, was my mistake. I dived into every moment, feeling alive, feeling surprised, feeling excited, not for once considering that certain calls are wrong, certain things should be told, certain emotions should be held back. I really did play with fire and for that, it really is all my fault and I am sorry.

Traveling-wise, the highlight of my year was Perth. I have always wanted to go to Australia and going there was truly an eye-opener and I enjoyed every minute of it.

This year, I made two trips to KL, one to Bangkok, two trips to Batam, Montigo (my haven), the last one to Bali.

Concerts- Seeing Swedish House Mafia, Hardwell, R3hab, Dash Berlin, Zoukout. Pretty epic times

Hopefully, I'll be lucky enough to head to Tomorrowland in 2014? ^^ I sure hope so


Highlights: Gaining independence/ Discovering myself/ Opening up
Lowlights: Losing my wallet in Bali/ Getting Food poisoning the day after/ Getting Stomach Flu right after coming back to Singapore/ Spraining my good knee(now i have two wonky ones)/ the naggy constant feeling of feeling let down/ Family drama/ the fear that things will only get worse and not better

Anyway that's about it! Here are pictures from the start to the end. (and because I got lazy sending pictures from my phone one by one to the computer..) i think instagram pretty much summed it up for me.

http://instagram.com/xshershine






video



video
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May 2014 bring forth nothing but boundless, limitless, perpetual joy, love, success and compassion to everyone.

My new year 2014 resolutions:

Be better, not bitter
Live Freely
Love all, trust few, Do wrong to none
Be firm and stand your ground. Learn to say no.
Stop drinking/partying every weekend. Time to grow up and learn how to be contented with laidback nights and languid days.
Find joy in the little things.
Always seek out the silver lining.
Open up your heart but only to the right ones.
Seek the good in others, don't always be so quick to judge.

Most importantly, don't let yourself down.



maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Monday, December 30, 2013

66 555 page views

Maybe tomorrow, I'll do a post on the highlights of 2013.

Seems apt.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas 2013



Merry Christmas everyone

To better beginnings and Happy Birhday, Jesus (even though His actual birthday is really April 17, OR SO SAYS GOOGLE) ( whazzat on my birthday month and my favourite, IZ DIZ A SIGN)

Always, always watch out for the silver lining, guys. <3 br="">


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Monday, December 23, 2013

23/12/13

I miss you twig.

And on this melancholic eve of my favourite day of the year, I sort of kind of miss my old life too.

Oh well.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Love all, trust few, do wrong to none

Met up with one of my best friends recently over sushi and endless tea
Strongest, most awakening call
Her advice is on loop in my head right now
It's almost 12am on a Sunday night and I can't seem to string my words clearly

There are unwrapped gifts and presents and letters all around me
Letters written with heart, with love for each and every recipient
Trying to inject some christmas cheer

I wish I could take it all back.

Nine more days, I promise
I promise I'll be better.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Monday, December 16, 2013

Live freely

All i want to do is live freely.


upside down// but dont look back
watch it burn over and over and over
kids are going to do what they want


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Thursday, December 12, 2013

Quote of the Year

"Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions."

Instant faces come to mind.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Monday, December 09, 2013

Dwelling

The past week saw me in Bali, stripped of my wallet and health. (aiyo, so melodramatic)
Through it all, I really really blamed God for all the negativity and trials and just all the shit that keep piling up. So much has happened this year, a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be bitter about.

Realized that getting things replaced are easy. Physical ones, I mean.
Get a new IC, get a new credit card, debit card, ez link. Earn money get it all back.
Painful on the pocket, yes. Tiresome, yes. Helluva hassle, also yes.

But I will also not forget the wonderful people at La Villais (Seminyak, Bali) who let me lie there on the sofa of their restaurant, beating the heat with a cup of complimentary guava juice. Where I was so sick and sore and bitter about spending the last day in Bali in pain and the first night being so upset over the loss of my wallet. their kindness. The patience of my best friend who accompanied me through the day. The concern I got from the people who care.

Is this my silver lining?

The first sunset I saw, the sky was ablaze. And the roar of the ocean enthralled me, I felt it rock my bones. And on the second day, a different ocean, a whiter, clearer, purer one. The waves, the serenity. the feel of the sand tugging relentlessly at my toes, drawing me in. lulling me into a false sense of security right up to the moment before crashing harshly onto the shoreline. This is how I feel about you.

Can I choose to forget the bad, to not dwell on the negativity? Losing this, losing that, losing everything. I mean, even I am bored of hearing myself speak about all these unlucky things. My whines on twitter/instagram. I can't even stand myself.

I went to Bali to escape my stifling life in Singapore and yet I came back with a heavier and quieter heart. When do things get better. Do they get better?

Christmas is coming. Then the countdown to a new year. Then a new year. Then chinese new year.
All these important dates, I have spent the last few major years of my life doing the same things. Now that change has beckoned, am I ready to embrace it?

So much fear.. but I read somewhere where loneliness is better than settling for something less.

And that's when I really woke up.

Last Sunday was a slap to my face, my ego and my pride. But I know better now.
I feel better now.


I don't think any less of you. or expect anymore from you.
I had a beautiful Monday. The weather was perfect.

Tomorrow, it's back to work.
f i g h t i n g 


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Sunday, September 22, 2013

love and loss and why

About 4 months since the last post and how things have changed so much since then.
Priorities, questions, people, values
Im caught up in this whirlwind of emotions but through the fog, one thing is clear.
I have changed.

Despite everything that has happened, I feel like an old chunk of me has been stripped away.
Not necessarily in place of something good. But I am happier and I guess I am slowly starting to rediscover myself again.

Above everything else, I am so thankful to the One up there for always constantly providing, despite my failures. I am not proud of many decisions that I have made, especially as of lately. But it is with a thankful heart that I find myself immersed in new beginnings.

I don't quite know what I want just yet but I do know what is it that I don't want now.

At the end of the day, are there more things you like about him or things that you don't like?
For the most special person in my life.

Till the next post, ta ta =)


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Thursday, May 30, 2013

55


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Thursday, January 10, 2013

when you said your last goodbye
i died a little more inside
you'd bring out the best in me
a part of me i'd never seen
you took my soul and wiped it clean
our love was made for movie screens

goodbye blog it has been a good 8 years (wow)


off to greener pastures~



maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Wednesday, January 09, 2013

i dont care how much money i have got to spend, or how long it takes but when i find out the ip address and then Your actual home address, I am going to get someone to get his contacts to fuck you up so badly you are going to regret ever leaving anonymous shit/spreading shit over the past 5 years. NOW YOU ARE FUCKING IMPERSONATING ME ? YOU SICK FUCK. i swear to God, if its the last thing i will ever do then so be it cause you better fucking watch out. i mean it when i say i will fucking hunt you down.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Wednesday, January 02, 2013

01/01/2013

December 2012



2 mins into the second day of the new year and everything feels the same. i hope that with this new year, i will become a better person to my friends and the people around me. i love you guys and i never want to see any harm come to either one of you. happy new year, everyone. maybe this year will finally be the year of change and abundance.



maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Sunday, December 23, 2012

tomorrow is my favorite day of the year, christmas eve. something magical about being on the brink of an important event.. making it even more eventful than the actual event itself.
if that even makes sense..

things are going good.. for now.

I hope this lasts.

Merry Christmas Eve, folks


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

decided to remove the last chunk from previous entry and just let you know straight to the point that if you fuck with me one more time, im going to hunt you down.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


The year is drawing to a close and with the hopefully impending doom of the end of our days this friday (I am secretly looking forward to it), I find myself doing what i do best these days- overthinking.

 A couple nights ago, i hit a really bad speed bump emotionally. I was drained out, exhausted and I couldn't find it in me to fight for myself. I think the saddest thing in the world is when the people you love give up on you. Im not one for giving up on others but to give up on myself and loathing every morning and night, it reeks of depression and I would like to think Im smarter than the D word.

feeling pretty aimless in life, been knocking back way too many drinks both alone and with friends and yes i know its's incredibly unhealthy but hey im incredibly unhappy so i guess it all sort of balances out in a twisted sick kind of way. the silver lining in this sad tale is that i am SO GRATEFUL that im a beer girl and not a champagne lady cause at the rate im drinking? that's no way i could afford 'popping bottles in the ice'.

I hope life gets better for everyone, i sincerely hope everything works out for the best. the most valuable lesson i learned the past few weeks is that no one deserves to be taken for granted, as jaded as things may be. with every ounce of regret in me, i wished things would have worked out for the both of us. I wished i wasn't a demanding bitch who expected things to go the way i want them to, all the time.  I miss us not hanging out all the time, 24/7. I miss the days of comfortable silences instead of awkward bouts of holding my breath while watching 'typing...' on whatsapp. how i hate whatsapp. it makes me feel distrustful and paranoid. I miss everything about us, even the fights. I miss the look on your face when something excites you or when you are 'mind-blown'. I miss your mum and I miss your dad, I miss our cat and and our little hamster. damnnit. i miss everything. but above all else, i miss you and the way you make me feel. safe, protected, needed. i really hope everything works out in the end, i really do.


maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care


abt me.

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