Wednesday, June 30, 2010
"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."
— Jonathan Safran Foer
These days, its getting easier to breathe even though the air hasnt changed. its still stifling me. old friends say i have lost the sparkle in my eyes, never knew there were any in the first place. they questioned my love for life and where has it gone? i told them as frankly as i could, that i just couldnt be bothered anymore. its nerve-wrecking to catch up with old friends and have them stare at you (AND YOU CAN FEEL IT YES YOU CAN so derrick or ky if you are reading this, please stop staring haha) while you try to focus on the world cup in front of you. that aside, i understand all your care, your concern and dont worry, ill find my way back home soon enough when things get better (SEE I DIDNT WRITE IF, I SAID WHEN, how's that for optimism?)
Some things have happened and the past is seriously coming back to haunt me, i cannot believe im still the same, stupid, gullible, naive fool that i was years ago. im fucking and i mean fucking fucking sick of this shit and until i get the fuck out of your life, there's no way i can move on from this. i really do need to become a better person. every quote on tumblr reminds of me how i shld be a better,nicer person, somewhat like last time and definitely not who i am now. it's true, i really might have lost that zest for life and life itself, i read somewhere , that the saddest persons are those who are not passionate about life and right now, as of this moment, im a strong contender for that sad person spot.
i will try, okay? i will.
for now, please let me move on.
maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care