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Monday, November 15, 2010


everything has been hell recently when it comes to the responsibility i have to take on and the fact that i wished i won the 80, 000 from Mickey D's instead of that poly guy.
my health has been shot to hell.

i have visited the doctor at least 10-12 times? (i kid you not)
in a span of less than 8 weeks
i havent gotten any better
and im off flying for awhile but office work is doing shit to my brains and health
apparently i have contracted mild asthma and some sort of allergic shit
the blood capillaries in my nose have decided to balloon and burst
which explains the blood that im spitting out.
i am on long-term medication for my nose, a nasal spray and i have the blue asthma spray thing that i had to learn how to use (and still not getting it) the one the kids with asthma have and now im just like one of them too.
i dont know how i feel about that.

my morale is shot, i am feeling low all the time except on friday and sat because i get to meet all my friends and most of all, my boyfriend.

i was fishing with my fav boys when it turned dark and the weather turned wet,
of all the fucking crummy luck in the world, i had to hook my big toe with a rusty hook and although the cut was a tiny pin hole, gab and nick were scaring the shit out of me by telling me how i have to get a jab if not im going to lose my leg and they were being perfectly serious.

i was freaking out the entire time, worried like FUCK that i would contract Gangrene.
imagine all the raw dirty blood bile guts from bait such as fishes and prawns and worms and now i got all that prawn juice, bile and whatever shit in my system. i feel sick and my right feet overthinks and hallucinates itself into thinking i've contracted gangrene and it feels tingly.

everything is bullshit.

my entire month pay is almost Gone on Gawd knows what.

had fucking high hopes for november but look what it landed me,
crummy luck, permanently cant breathe, fucking asthma (seriously, still reeling from the shock), paranoia that im going to lose my foot, feeling weepy like how i broke down in the office today (first day of work somemore cheebye) cause i felt so sick but i couldnt go home if not i have to go to the doctor again and take another bloody mc (something i cannot afford to do anymore)

and today, i realized i cant take leave at all until may
which means i have to worry about having to work on christmas, new year, chinese new year and my 21st fucking birthday.

fuck my fucking life.

but despite everything and being sickened to the guts of the idea of having to push on because i simply have to, i am thankful for the people i love and who actually love me back.

i love you very much nicky.

Oh and also, words cannot justify the amount of gratefulness for hari raya haji.
i really hope nick gets to come out tomorrow night.
i really need to see him.

maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care

abt me.

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