i was reading past entries and i realized
everything changed the moment you passed away 3 years ago
and whatever good part of me died and dissolved away and i was left fumbling just struggling to decide on what to best do with the remaining ugly parts i had left.
its 3 years later and my heart still aches at the thought of what you and i could have been, you were brilliant smart and my closest confidante and you put God in me and you made sure that i did not disappoint Him. im old and sick and superficial now and all i care about is shopping drinking all the superficial stuff and i really would like to tell you how much i Miss you and i wish what happened did not happen at all. i dont think i can ever recover that part of me back.
and past entries about a certain boy and how we met and the silly 17 year old kid stuff we shared has left me feeling strangely at peace (at last?) you knew her then and i wished you had been there when she left us for good, i would have maybe felt a tad better then.
i should not dwell on the past, i guess its time to move on but truth be told, i miss you
and truth be told, i wish i had a resurrection stone so i can flip it 3x and you will come back and say hi, even if its just for a little while.
though, you would probably be so disappointed in the person i've become in my habits i have taken up, in the life im leading now, you prolly dont want to talk to me too.
loads of memories in my head.
i dont think i will sleep very well.
maybe dream of frogs and eragon.