see the thing is
my friend whom i shall not mention who but if you go to my facebook you will prolly see it anyway,
was really sweet and left a comment
sherlyn + nicky = loveliest couple ever
on my wall and for some sick reason or whatsoever, i was left confounded at that equation.
and i spent a great 3 mins or so trying to conjure up a perfect answer and i realized i couldnt very well do it.
i dont want to 'like' it because i didnt agree with it
and i didnt want to leave the comment unanswered because that would seem rude.
which brings me to my next point,
why the fuck do i feel this way?
lately, "OH THESE TIMES ARE HARD YEA THEY'RE MAKING US CRAZY DONT GIVE UP ON ME BABY'' doesnt seem to quit fit it.
i cannot even bring myself to say it, how many times we have fought at zouk outside zouk inside phuture outside phuture outside winebar inside winebar
and all because of all that alcohol.
you know some very faraway long time ago i was perhaps a kinda happy drunk
and now im just SAD PATHETIC AND MOSTLY ANGRY.
and i've been getting drunk one too many times as of lately.
i recently tweeted, if i can remember correctly
ah you know what im going to check twitter itself to see
ok here's a screenshot
dont know if im making any sense and yes i typed that when i was sober 10q very much
but it made perfect logical sense to me although i knew clearly that deep down
my drunken heart knows best
even my drunken mind
my drunken brain
except my drunken limbs (because they refuse to teleport me back home to my bed when i need it)
what i am trying to say is, even though im in perfect denial of the absolute truth
i cant very well take back words i blurted out (which i dont remember saying btw)
until my best friend told me every soddin' painful detail and its i swear more than cringe-worthy its die-now-or-forever-drown-daily-in-your-own-shame worthy.
i said a lot of awful stuff to nick which hurt him and as of now i still havent gotten the guts to apologize to him.
ok i decided not to type out what i said to him.
and also one thing, which only my best friend knows and no one in the world will ever ever know except ok maybe zer and phy only and that is that last thing that bothers me to no end.
and i cannot bring it in me to forgive myself for saying that.
the sad part is i remember nothing at all, nothing. absolutely nothing. except a tiny bit of the last part and i am terrified of drinking now.
terrified of the things i might say when i get drunk again, terrified that i might not be able to control myself the next time.
and the saddest thing is, not quite terrified enough to not want to continue drinking and having a good time still.
yes, i am pathetic.