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Thursday, December 08, 2011

december 8th 2011

december 8th.
happy birthday twinny.
you could have been twenty-one today, along with the rest of us.
all of us have turned that age already, except bernie and of course most importantly.. you.

I miss you.

Lately, you have been straying into my thoughts and as much as i liked remembering the memories we had, i dont like how it further strengthens the point that i will never be able to hear or see you again.

A friend of mine just lost her close friend recently, to a drunken brawl
he was going to turn 21 in december like you too.
Thing is, i met him once before and we had a conversation.

Like you, he was thinking big and thinking far and it hurts to see how the people who prolly always dreamt the biggest, get shortchanged the most in life.

twenty-one, twinny.
i would have thrown the biggest party for you and you would never have suspected it haha i can imagine your giggles already aiyo.

feeling fucking emotional now. i bet your twin (your real one) misses you more than i can even try to imagine so i wont. but thats nt saying that i dont miss you just as much. i fucking miss you and i miss all that you could have been and i wonder if you didnt stray away from us, your girls. would things have happened the way they did.

maybe bad influence me would have dragged you out that day instead of going to school then maybe that fucking accident wont happen.

life is a shit series of accidents just waiting to happen and im so sorry you had to be caught up in one of it.

i have this throbbing feeling at the back of my throat now and all i really want to do is curl up and cry for all the people we have lost in our lives and all the fucking could-have-beens and whatifs

what if
what if
what if

losing you and my dad will be the worst things to happen to me in my life until worst misfortunes come along. losing contact with the both of you and not failing to BE THERE will be the two biggest regrets i will always carry in my heart and i cannot ask for anything more than your forgiveness i am so sorry please tell me you are happy up there that everything is lighter and clearer and better up there

happy 21st birthday twinny
till we meet again,
your 'twin'

maybe we'll go too far,we just dont care

abt me.

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